National Yemen Day!

In Yemen of course. Hooray for September 26th.

In celebration, here's a Jewish themed joke:

Did you hear about the blind circumsizer?

He got the sack.



Although it's not as good as another joke someone told me earlier:

Why did the baker have brown hands?

He kneaded a poo.

ActionScript killed John Lennon.

It didn't really, I'm not entirely sure why I wrote that. I think it's because I've had little sleep, and I've been staring at a monitor screen for the majority of my waking hours over the last couple of days.

I'm still trying to do my site, and as per usual, I'm trying to do far too much for my first attempt. I'm currently drowing in actionscript. I do have to admit to you that I'm not really much of coder, instead prefering to dream up great ideas and then sit back do nothing, hoping the idea will just materialise.
Coding kind of makes me wanna remove people's fingers - it never quite works they way you expect it to (to start with at least), and the problem is usually something as basic as a missing semicolon that takes 4 hours to find.

Still, if I wanna make really funkeh websites, then I'll need to learn this, but man, is it a bitch. I wish there was a way to see all the actionscript on all the keyframes at once, cos I'm forever forgetting where I've put stuff.

I also have no idea when to use certain elements for navigation. To start with, I created everything in one big timeline, then as I got more content, I realised I should be creating scenes. So I did that, and came up against limitations, that after more research led me to believe the best way for me to navigate my site is by using seperate movies.

So I set this up, and now nothing quite works, again. I got everything working, so I added some animations for scene/movie transitions, and that broke everything again. So I then spent ages fixing it, and added a preloader. That shafted everything, and now I'm in a whole load of jumble, and I'm kind of lost inside my own flash file.

Arg! Actionscript didn't kill John Lennon, but it might kill me. Although this frigging beanbag isn't helping things either.

Obviously Not A Real Ninja...

Athens(reuters) - A Greek bank robber armed with ninja throwing stars finally ran out of moves on Tuesday when police arrested him after an Athens bank robbery.
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Petros Onen, 49, had held up 11 small suburban bank branches making away with 50,000 euros (33,866 pounds) in recent months, threatening to throw his razor-sharp, palm-size stars -- made famous by the Japanese ninja warriors -- at cashiers, police said.

His luck ran out when undercover policemen at the last bank he robbed followed him home and arrested him with his loot, his throwing stars, a fake gun and a list of other bank branches.

All I can say is that if he was followed home, then he wasn't a real ninja. Unless he was acidentally wearing his LA Gear trainers, with the flashing lights in the heels.

How to Become a Goverment Hitman

Does anybody know how to achieve this? It's a career path I've been thinking about for a while, only it's difficult getting my foot in the door.

Does anyone know anyone who could give me a job like this? Alternatively if the goverment (doesn't matter which one) needs a new contract killer, but doesn't want to pay premium rates for an experienced hitman, please hire me! I'd happily accept a junior hitman position, and training me up would be much cheaper than getting a guru in, like Leon.

Please contact me if you have any jobs for me. Lord knows I could do with the pay, the travel, and above all, the excitement.

I'm sure you know how to get hold of me.

Today=Stuff.

I've had quite a good day today in terms of stuff.

It's not every day I go to get a cup of tea, and return to my desk One Hundred English Pounds richer, but today I did. If this happened every day, I'd be minted.

I went in town at lunchtime, and took back Prey, and got Test Drive Unlimited. As I said to Foss earlier:

"I’ve played the demo of TDU – you drive around an open ended world, and then challenge other people driving round online. It’s great for checking your testosterone levels, cos when someone goes speeding past you, your body pumps you full of it, and then you go “Right, I’m not having that, I must win!” and then burn off after him. If you then wanna make it official, you can challenge them to a race."

It was a toss up between this game and Dead Rising, but I've heard some bad things about the whole save system on Dead Rising, so I'll probably end up renting it instead.

What else do I have today? Well, I've bought a new Laptop, a Dell M1710. I'll post a full review in a couple of days, once I've done appropriate testing and picture taking. That should be arriving here in work at any moment. Why isn't it here yet, goddammit?

I've also taken delivery of my lapinator plus. It's not nearly as exciting as the laptop, or the xbox 360 game I've bought, but it is still mildly interesting, and will let me use my new laptop on my lap, without searing my balls, which is always a plus.

Tomorrow, I'm hoping to get my new mouse. Since I have a gaming laptop, I figured I probably

should have a gaming mouse too, so I've bought me a green Razer Copperhead. They're freaky sweet mice, apparently.

So I'm feeling a bit skint, but like they say, Money can't buy happiness. Actually, they're kinda right. It can't allow you to buy happiness, but it will allow you to rent it.

Like Clare Boothe Luce says, "Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable."

And finally, like I say, "Money Can't buy happiness, but it can buy you things that will make
you happy, like drugs, laptops, hookers and giant bean bags. "